I have to tell you I love what I do. I love everything about marriage? From the wedding proposal to being married. Family life, children and all the ups and downs that brings. What I also want to share is that I am part of the statistics on the government websoite for the state of state of California.
I am sharing this, I want you to know the truth. Most wedding planners have experienced divorce. I thought that was crazy when I first got into this business and I didn't understand it. Today, although I don't agree with what happens to people in business I understand it. You don't have to agree with something to understand it. You don't even have to like it. I am a statistic, a number and that number in the state of California is a percentage> I thought that was nuts. you see when I began in this business the statistic was 1 out of 10 people got a divorce. Today that number is an alarmingly high number. I'm not joking. US News wrote an article on "These are the states where you marriage won't work"
People don't want you to know the truth before you get married. I want you to be as informed as possible. Read everything you can and understand what marriage is before you get into this commitment.
The most commonly reported major contributors to divorce were lack of commitment, infidelity, and conflict/arguing. The most common “final straw” reasons were infidelity, domestic violence, and substance use. More participants blamed their partners than blamed themselves for the divorce.
Here is a list of the states and rates as I have read.
State DIVORCED WOMEN PER 1,000 MARRIED INDIVIDUALS
New Jersey 6.30% Massachusetts 6.40% Wisconsin6.40% California 6.50%
I don't understand why they hide the truth. That's not true. When you are in your marriage bubble. That's what I call it when your planning your wedding and everything your looking at is lifestyle and glamour it's easy to not want to hear or read anything that might scare, affect, frighten, that bubble. I don't want to share the details of why I divorced, or what it did to my family.
I like many woman want to think I had control over my marriage. Marriage I realized isn't like that. I now believe it has a life of it's own. It is like a small child all the time that needs it's parents to take care of it. I now believe that both children (husband and wife) have to take care of it like a small child. Just like you do the children. You feed them , clothe them, make sure they are entertained, educated and capable of taking care of themselves.
Feed: Emotionally, physically taking care of one another.
Clothe: Making sure not only the children are pleasing to look at so do both people in a marriage need to be for each other. It is important to so to speak "Look Good" for each other.
Entertained: Date each other. Enjoy dating each other just like you did when you first met. There was an attraction and a certain amount of flirting, thinking about each others needs and entertaining each other.
Educate: Sometimes we assume the other person living with you is educated in the topics you are. However, time and space makes people mature differently. For example, what people expected of me in the workplace was different then what was expected of my husband in his workplace. Life business didn't always allow of communication of these things. Althought we both tried it was difficult cause everyone wants a wedding planners marriage. It is assumed that she or he has a magic recipe for success. The truth is this is an unrealistic expectation of the employment.
What is it I want you to know after reading this blog. Not all things are planned. Most of us don't talk about divorce when were are planning a marriage. Talk ,Talk, Talk, about what you believe before you marry, after you marry and during your marriage. When you've done that realize that unexpected things happen.